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May 5, 1999

Cinco de Mayo

Well, I thought I was brave and courageous and ready to conquer things. Turns out I'm just as scared as ever. Plus homesick. So, here I sit, belly swollen from all the chocolate I've ingested, and facing another dreaded weigh-in tomorrow. I should be proud of having lost 36 lbs. and hanging out at this weight for 2 months. Instead, I'm so mad at myself for not continuing toward my goal weight. Why can I not just love myself right now, as I am, and trust that everything will work out? What am I so afraid of? Why does this have to be so hard? I'd be really pissed if it weren't for the fact that almost EVERY woman faces this issue. At least I know I'm not alone. Sure feels that way sometimes, though. At other times, I'm enjoying singing with my friends, being consistently funny in my acting class, and dining in chi-chi restaurants that you hear about in movies. Feels like a fairy tale... until I'm too fat to go to the ball.

Posted by bonnie at May 5, 1999 4:54 PM