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October 24, 1999

Ethics

I just had the opportunity to be extremely dishonest. And I took the proverbial high road. A rude Mercedes-driving man left the ATM vestibule in a rush, nearly knocking me down as I entered. When I got to the ATM, it was beeping frantically, asking "Do you need more time?" If I had hit "Yes", I could have continued this man's transaction. By hitting "No", I ejected his card, which had a Visa logo on it. Yet another opportunity to be dishonest. I could take this card and fill up my gas tank, buy groceries, or even something frivolous. Very interesting, temptation. Gary Zukov says it's evidence that we are conquering our greatest life challenge.

Today was strange on a lot of levels. I was at rehearsal for the USC piece I'm shooting tomorrow and the guy who was my scene partner, after having met for rehearsal twice in the past week, still didn't know his lines. Even when he read them, he wasn't nailing the character. So, the director gave him direction (as directors are known to do). He still struggled. So, at one point, the actor left to feed his meter, having asked for money from the director, which she provided. After 30 minutes, we realized that he wasn't coming back. In fact, he'd told us earlier that he'd parked in the lot, not at a meter, so that story was just a way out. The remaining actors and the director discussed his choice, and how it just compounds the "flaky actor" reputation we all have to contend with. Still, the director was able to see that it was a blessing in disguise, as she could probably find an actor who'd do a better job with the part - even on 24 hours' notice. It's wonderful to see people find the lesson in every experience. It makes me feel good.

In other news... I'm FAT. So, so very FAT. My clothes don't fit anymore, and I'm embarrassed. It's damn sad. I started taking StarCaps again today. I'll break out the near-maxed-out credit card on the first Tuesday in November to buy another supply of them at GNC (on their 20% off day). I'm considering taking Metabolife, only because I saw that report on 20/20 that said they are extremely unhealthy (see, to me, that's a better endorsement than any before-and-after photo). I'm also wondering if I could NOT eat, like I did back in 1985 for an entire Summer. I know it's possible to NOT eat... but I really like to eat. Augh!! Why do I even consider options that are worse for me than just living my life? Because I'm desperate. And I don't like wearing tight clothes. SUCKOLA! Pray for me, friends.

Posted by bonnie at October 24, 1999 5:02 PM