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June 19, 2000

Extreme Self-Care

I can't even believe that it's been over a month since I've updated my webpage. Talk about being busy! Again, life is good. I had a bout with a panic attack for a few days last week, and this was long in coming, I'm sure. I'd been running around from job to job to job (underpaid at each) and coming home to loads of messages from friends needing me, needing my advice, needing my energy. I always said yes. Yes, I'll work longer, yes, I'll work harder, yes, I'll take you here, yes, I'll give you this. The answer was never no. Except when the question was, "Will you take a minute to take care of yourself?"

So, last week, I finally broke down. The body gives amazing signals to the mind, if only I'd listen before it got to an all-out panic! Anyway, the decision after the emotion was EXTREME SELF CARE--WITHOUT APOLOGY. So, for over a week now, I've cared for me first, most, and best. It is amazing how the Universe has responded. It's as if the Universe was waiting for me to make this move before providing me with the abundance it has had in store for me. Just like that, I have more auditions than I could've expected. Projects that were scheduled to have wrapped by now have had unexpected delays and, in fact, I am what they were looking for--am I available now? Amazing!

Needless to say, I am grateful for this windfall. I am also very aware of what it took, in terms of self-care, to get to this. I have been asking for what I need, and I am being provided with it. I have been putting myself around the people that share my values, and I am reminded that THIS is my peer group. I have been involved in creative pursuits that I'm telling no one about, and I am creating for MY sake, not for what anyone will think of what I have done.

THIS is truly the best use of my energy right now. I am blessed with the ability to JUST BE. I have nothing to prove, and it's proving to be really wonderful!

Posted by bonnie at June 19, 2000 5:10 PM