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July 28, 2002
Hi Bloggers
It's Sunday night in Los Angeles and Keith is out shooting a commercial for Saturn. He's been on set since 5:30am which means $$$$$. Yay. He's very happy. Booked a Discovery Channel TV show that shoots next week. My working actor fiancé. Ah.
My wrists are sad. I've been working on my book so much that I have very sad joints and wrists. I used to have a really cool pair of Handeeze Gloves, which I'm guessing I loaned out or lost or packed away somewhere. Can't find them since Keith moved in, so I blame that event for the fact that I can't find something I used to always use. Blast. So, I'm typing with my hands wrapped up in my Krav Maga wrist wraps, which really aren't made for typing support.
Anyway...
Last night I flew into a rage that I don't understand. I don't know where it came from or why it was so intense, but I don't really "get" me lately. Struggling, struggling.
Okay... Blog replies...
Amy: I love the concept of Punk Rock aerobics. I think I could really get into that. Yum... sweet tea. I miss that. And how cool to spy Forest Whitaker like that. Very cool.
Big Mike: It sounds as hot in Korea as in LA. Or at least the Valley. Ugh. Hang in there!
BrYan/BJ/Beej: I so understand the whole "unable to interact with people" feeling. Excellent choice, listening to Robyn Hitchcock. One of my faves. Oh, and for Vegas... I'm a big fan of the Luxor if for no more reason than the inclinator and the slanty-window rooms. Love it.
Cash: So political these days. Wow! Go, boy!
Chip: How was Goldmember? I want to hear about it. Worth's b'day and I missed it? Tell him I said HAPPY DAY please. I so miss him! All of them. I'm glad you hung out and listened to stories of the po' old days. That makes him happy as your grandpa. What a sweetie!
Chip: I am such a fan of correcting people in their emails. I don't do it often, but man if you catch me at the right time... ooh, I cut loose. Way to go on that y'all thing. I get so pissed about that one. My big thing lately is getting these stupid five year old rumor emails with all of our addresses in the TO line to share and share and Spam... and I copy and paste the snopes.com link and reply to ALL to make a dang point. I just don't care anymore. I have no time for that crap these days! 448 unanswered emails in my inbox. Don't tell me Bill Gates is going to send me money or that the government is trying to tax email. Grr. It's like the Internet has become P.T. Barnum's playground.
Chip: I am such a fan of Big Brother 3. I never saw Big Brother 2... but I'm loving this so much more than the first Big Brother. One thing I hate (two things, really): you have to pay to watch the all-the-time cam online (so sucks) and we don't get to vote off the sparest of them all. Why did they take that away from us, Chip? Why?
Chip: Two more things... tell SMason I said hi while she's in town. AND kill my Athenstown email address (or change it to something else like bonnieg or something). It's nothing but Spam anymore and most of it really icky stuff. Thanks!
Courtney: I tried to check myself in on the 6th floor before. That's still my favorite phrase, when I'm losing it, "I'm so 6th floor!" It just says so much, y'know? I'm sorry you're finding bottles hidden around the house. That's not good. Bless your heart. Hang in there and please keep us posted. I'm guessing this is a well-traveled road for you two and that you will handle everything with love and hope. I'll be thinking of you.
Jane (or Chip): Why does your link stay blue after I've read your blog? Is this some trick to make me think I haven't read yours yet? ;) BTW, nice to meet you.
Shelley: Your drive through Death Valley at 121 degrees reminds me of my drive through Needles at 119 degrees. We were running no AC b/c it overheated the U-Haul... we were towing my car behind it (a 17-footer) and the "we" was my father (from whom I'd been estranged for years) and my 13-year-old cat, who was hyperventilating. I think it was the saddest cross-country trip in August anyone ever conceived of trying. I think being 23 makes one very optimistic. I'd never do such a thing now. LOL.
Tina: Oh my gosh, you're blogging! Is St. Simon's anything like Amelia? It's the one I remember riding bikes around. We could do the whole coastal loop on dirt bikes. Felt so free. I was a kid, but I have fond memories. If I've been to St. Simon's, it's where I went with my ex-beau back in 1992. Can't remember, though. Just know we ate lots of crab, worked crossword puzzles, flew kites, and tried to avoid hearing "Achy Breaky Heart" on the radio. I think we also went to see Batman when it opened. Not that any of this should be of interest to anyone other than me.
I would love Snopes TV shows! YES!
Okay, my latest drama is this: D. The friend with cancer I've been taking care of for the past six months.
First off: I love her. Really really really really I do.
Second: I needed to NOT go take care of her during last week's chemotherapy session and after-care. I've done it every time and really felt like I'd be too broken to take care of either one of us, if I didn't stop and take care of me first. So, I told her I couldn't be there, but because I gave only two days' notice, she got mad. The bummer is, the email she sent to tell me she was mad never got to me. She sent a fairly abrasive email about my "ignoring her" and being one who is "not to be counted on" and I was so mad. Turns out, it's because I never got the first email from her that she thought she was being ignored. Ugly situation all the way around, when all I was trying to do was take care of myself first but was too afraid of hurting her to have just called and talked the whole thing out. I said, when she wanted to fight about this, "Let's deal with all of this AFTER you're well, when we can really understand each other."
She seemed to agree to that (after taking some really low... though well-informed -- damned intimacy -- swipes at me about things she knew would hurt me) and I thought we were going to be okay, even though she was still hurt by my choice to take care of me and lack of communication.
The other morning, I had a series of late-night and early-morning emails from her. Wow. She was lucid and really analyzing our friendship and lessons together. She had some of it wrong, so I engaged her in the dialogue she started.
Oops.
I have to remind myself that she's operating at diminished capacity on many levels, even if she may seem "all there" for moments here and there. So, after her last round of abuse-filled, ego-bruising emails, I just replied:
"Fair enough. I love you."
I feel like such a bad person, even though I know... I KNOW better.
Anyway, it's been hard. But somehow, I'm better for having taken care of me, even if it means that our friendship is over. I hate to think that all of my hard (and loving) work for her has been undone by the fact that I overestimated my ability to continue taking care of her for this long at the expense of me. Ugh.
So, besides the book (which is awesome at making me happy), that's my deal right now. Go check out my book's site: http://cricketfeet.com/castingqs (I'm so proud). Tee hee.
Okay, bye now! XXOO for tonight.
--
Bon
Back Stage West - Casting Qs with Marki Costello, on sale August 1st
Posted by bonnie at July 28, 2002 11:57 PM