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April 30, 2008
My mom was concerned. I try not to be.
My mom was concerned. I try not to be.
Every day, I look at the drawings on our refrigerator, held up by magnets. *Most* of them are drawn by Quinn (some are drawn by Lucy, or Edie, or any number of other kids we know and adore). And I love looking at them.
1. There's a family on the Catalina Express, labeled "Dad," "BAG," and "me." (My mom would've said, "He sees you as something more formal than 'dad' and 'me'. You've been told you're not connected.")
2. There's snakes on a plane with a label of, "To Dad and Bon from Q." (My mom would've said, "He sees you as 'Bon' and not 'stepmom' or whatever other affectionate thing he might call you. You've been told you're different.)
3. There's a family on a train labeled "K," "my Bonnie," and "Q." (My mom would've told me, "You're listed as a name, not an initial. You aren't family.")
And to all of this, I would say the following:
1. He just learned initials, and mine are novel. He sees his initials and his dad's initials as far too similar to be exciting. Mine are totally different, and he's excited about that.
2. What Quinn calls me is "my Bonnie," which is how I learned "I count." He's got another non-biological parent, and the reference is "my ___," just like "my Bonnie." It's the same as "my mom" and "my dad" for him. And I'm honored to share that.
3. See above. Highest honor.
See, I had a mom who looked at drawings I made, and if my dad's head was bigger than her head, it meant I saw him as smarter than I saw her. If his arm was disconnected from his body, it meant he was disconnected from the family. If I labeled a drawing with Daddy's phone number instead of name, it meant I only know him as someone I can call (ignoring the fact that the number was written with my non-dominant hand and backwards--like, mirror-image backwards, because that wasn't the point, to her). And if I never drew my brothers, it meant I never knew my brothers.
Okay! Give her that last one, but for cryin' out loud! Sometimes a kid draws an arm detached from a body and it means she got distracted or bumped or creative. Sometimes a kid labels people in the same way ADULTS label people, which is often just random and emotional and spur-of-the-moment/unrelated-to-anything-else. It's possible.
So, I love my mom. I love how worried she was about me and my development. And I also know that I trust and know that Quinn loves the crap out of me--as he makes that very clear every visit--and I love, love, love the variations in his works of art on my 'fridge.
That is all.
Posted by bonnie at April 30, 2008 11:35 PM
Comments
Bonnie:
Do you remember the episode of "Eddie's Father" when, during art, Eddie was drawing all his "family and characters" in black crayon?
The entire episode was the "school authorities" other "experts" getting all riled up because Eddie only drew in black. THERE HAD TO BE MEANING TO THIS "TRADEGY". Even his dad became a bit concerned, until one day, he went to the school and watch Eddie from the hallway. Turns out that Eddie drew in Black, because that was the only color left by the time he got to the crayon bin.
The point of this long-winded reminder that I am old and watch too much tv?
Your assessment is correct. He loves you and recognizes how important you are to all of us.
Posted by: Libby at May 1, 2008 8:42 AM