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September 27, 2008
Losing My Virginity (Again)
Okay, so I felt like a 27-year-old virgin in the whole joining the Facebook thing. I mean, almost everyone I know did it first and talked about it, and they all made it sound great. (But it's not the whole "40-year-old virgin" thing because, hello, at least I've known about Facebook forever and have chosen to stay away from it much in the same way I stayed away from the MySpace forever because, dammit, I was already on the Friendster and now I was already on the Twitter and for the love of GAWD, how many connections does a Bonnie need?)
Anyway, it had reached critical mass. I was hearing pretty much every day that I should be on the Facebook. That I should get on that, tap into my audience (because having 50K hits per week on my column apparently isn't enough communing with the masses), and then we had our Bluelines Proofer Patrol Party for the third edition of Self-Management for Actors and I was told about the FAN PAGE thingy and decided that would be cool. (Thank you, Rose.)
So fine. I did it. I finally did it. I held out for ever and ever for the man of my dreams and then realized I probably wasn't going to meet him before I was too old to enjoy the ride and I finally gave in to the Facebook and it was fine. Fine, fine, fine. Good first time. Nothing too wildly beyond expectations. Nothing Earth-shattering. Now I get it. Okay. Good. Check that one off. Okay.
BUT!
NO ONE TOLD ME THAT THE FACEBOOK WAS CRACK.
I'm sorry, but I think it's only the responsible thing to do to follow, "Oh! You're not on the Facebook? You really should be," with a, "And it's totally crack, so be ready to be addicted on your first hit. You will not be able to turn away. You will search out everyone you've ever known. The 'friend suggester' will be uncannily accurate. You will mind your own business and be sought out by people you've forgotten existed. You will play Scrabble (only it isn't really Scrabble. It's more like Boggle and therefore it's called Scramble, and either way, you won't be able to stop). You will be offered plants and toys and karma. You will be given flair and little green things and invitations to bite and be bitten. You will also be offered advice from the Facebook regulars about how much of the above you should accept." But no one will tell you whether deleting a poke is a good or bad idea. No one will explain what happens if you deny a friend request. And no one can make sense of the whole "upload photos to a gallery at a fan page and suddenly it all shows up in your profile page" thingy... especially when the whole reason you created both was to keep the both separate. (Damn tags.)
No one will tell you why it is that you NEED to update your status several times a day and why it is that you wear like a badge of honor the fact that you went 20 whole hours without visiting the site--not even from your mobile device! THAT'S HUGE!!
So, as much as I enjoyed "getting it over with" and losing my virginity and getting what it was all about and finally being in on the whole thing and thinking I've absolutely done the right thing by having held out for as long as I did (Yay, me!) and then finally caving in before I was so damn old that I couldn't appreciate the dang thing (Bigger yay, me!), I just wish any one of the five HUNDRED people who said, "You need to be on the Facebook" could've told me that it would completely and totally change my life in terms of swooping up loads of hours I already didn't have to donate... just to beat my damn top Scramble score.
Facebook, I hate you more than I've ever loved the MySpace. And I'm not just saying that because the MySpace version of this blog post will strip out the Facebook links and call them "suspicious for phishing." Egad, how that "banned at the other place" vibe makes me want you that much more!
You've not just taken my virginity, Facebook, you've made me need you several times every day. You greedy, greedy HOT bastard. Oh, how I love being seen with you!
Posted by bonnie at September 27, 2008 2:19 AM
Comments
I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! I just created my fan page on facebook because someone said I should do it before someone attempts to do it for me and "steal" my name like a cybersquatter.
It's total crack....um, did you get the facebook application for Iphone? because that's how you get your fix when you're away from the home office.
Posted by: Amy at September 27, 2008 2:33 AM
I'm just as dedicated to winning the ongoing Sudoku match!!! That darn girl from North Carolina is just too good!
Posted by: Laura at September 30, 2008 1:54 AM
No kidding!!! I feel a rematch coming on. There's hope, right? :)
Posted by: bon 
at September 30, 2008 2:10 AM
Totally hooked on Scrabble.
And there's this typing speed race thing I can't tear myself away from...
I even figured out how to poke myself!
Posted by: Hal at September 30, 2008 3:31 PM
OK, so what are you really saying - that you tried it and didn't like it, or that you loved it? Sorry, I'm a bit confused!
Posted by: Matthew Cornell at October 5, 2008 11:46 AM