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April 21, 2000

The Religion of Dieting

Back from Hotlanta w/ renewed spirit. Ready to accept the challenge posed to me by Dawn wherein I spend an entire day NOT thinking about my weight. What a concept!

Here's what I wrote while in Atlanta: "To All the Diets I've Trusted Before"... cottage cheese & beets, potatoes, slim fast, fibar, fasting, anorexia, bulimia, excel herbs, jenny craig, atkins, instant soups / drinks / bars, star caps, metabolife, ayurvedic eating, blood type eating, carbohydrate addict's program, the zone, oprah's program, redux, fen-phen, pondamin, taping a tachyon disk to my torso, meditation, acupressure, affirmations, breaking free, callanetics, walking, jogging, aerobics, weight training, personal trainer, cardio, dance, yoga, krav maga... MASOCHISM... Diet has been my religion. Weight, my God. I go from church to temple to church, looking for the path that saves me, all the while cursing God for saddling me with this burden. When, in fact, the burden is the burdener. By cursing what it does to me, I validate its very existence and invite it to stay longer, deeper rooted, invested in my struggle. I pray every day, where prayer means speaking to my God. I've chosen diet to define me rather than just being, and letting diet just be, both of us independent of the other. Father-Mother God and Holy Spirit, assist me in living my life free from the obsession over weight, diets, numbers on a scale, or printed on a clothing tag, NOW. Thank you. I don't buy into your sales pitch any more, diet. You're slick and manipulative and the brochure looks so good. But I've been burned by your bait and switch to such an extent that I no longer seek ANY church sanctioned by your religion.

Totally unrelated to weight, but a question I'm pondering of late: Why is it that guys believe, when an attractive woman smiles, is friendly, and makes eye contact during conversation, that this is an invitation to sleep with her? I suppose I should be grateful that I am found appealing instead of repulsive, but it's really starting to piss me off. If I want to have a conversation w/ someone, male or female, shouldn't I be able to do so w/o having to then fend off a sleazy proposal? I really wonder what kind of "vibe" I'm putting out there that this is considered an appropriate advance.

Someone recently asked me why I didn't like dating out here... this is a big part of it. And maybe geography has nothing to do with it. I just don't remember there being this assumption that my interaction was indicative of a need for Hot Sex Now. And then I'm made to feel like a bitch for NOT wanting to hand over my phone number! Any ideas, gang?

Just so you'll know, I'm in a great place, having had a blissful visit home and feeling completely recharged. Nice to get away... and get back!

Posted by bonnie at April 21, 2000 5:09 PM