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May 7, 2000


Oh, I so love my life! What blessings I've encountered on a daily basis since the Energy/Chakra work with Dr. Van Dyck! It's as if the Clearing has prevented me from obsessing, fixating, or even focusing on issues that previously would've taken up the majority of my life for days at a time. It's a beautiful thing. When Heather and I were at the beach Friday, I tried to remember something that would've normally been at the forefront of my obsessions and I couldn't even use common recall to establish what I thought I wanted to say. How beautiful!

When I returned from Atlanta, it was as though I had no hang-ups that I'd had before I left. And I mean NONE. Like lifetimes' worth of hang-ups... cleared away. I'd had such anxiety over ending my relationship with The Attic Theatre and AIPS (Improv Traffic School). Here I'd left The Attic in late December and AIPS in early February, but I hadn't closed the door with either. It's as if I feared that severing the ties would prevent me from having a connection I could possibly need in the future (like, what if I HAD to work a Traffic School class to make a rent payment? or what if The Attic suddenly became The Link to the Industry?) which is really an unreasonable thing to carry around. Anyway, when I returned to town, without even thinking about it, I made my peace with each, returning belongings and answering emails. I think the beauty of this is the NOT thinking about it. It just IS. What a blessing!

The image of the old-time phone operator disconnecting from the wall of phone jacks is the one that I keep visualizing. Please, friends, let me know if you have a picture of this that I could use. I need the visual! But think about it, the idea of pulling your cord out of a socket and letting it just recoil back into its slot... removing any connection to another's energy... it's just lovely. And I do it every day, every night, and moments in between (especially while driving in this crazy city).

I believe that this is how I've been able to deal with the tremendous loss that's happened this week. My Major Professor, the husband to my advisor at WUOG, father to the children I taught at Athens Academy, head of the Peabody Awards, and truly, one of my mentors, died Tuesday at the age of 47 while playing basketball with another of my mentor/professor/friends. The stories are here: Online Athens, Red and Black, and the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. This is a huge loss for everyone who knew Barry. Shermans, you are in my prayers now and always.

I've learned that I have some very special friends. I mean, I knew that anyway, but when I came home to a dozen messages from all over the country, checking on me, I knew... and even more so when, the next day, the messages were all from my LA friends, checking on me. How wonderful! I love you all for giving a shit. That's actually a big thing!

I have to say, I've become spoiled by my connections. I'm so devoted to my friends, and so connected to "my people" that when I am around people who don't "get me," I am really in an unpleasant place. It really sucks to have to be around folks who don't feel your energy and automatically respond to it when there are folks who do. I was at one of my many consulting gigs recently and endured a 20 minute conversation on nude vs. black hose with open-toed shoes at a wedding. Who gives a shit? I mean, maybe, someday, I'll be the type that'll need to have that conversation... wait, what am I saying? I'll never be that TYPE. Anyway, it's just tough to be around people with whom you don't connect... and sometimes you just have to endure those moments. It really makes me appreciate the soul connections I've made in my life. I am truly blessed.

Posted by bonnie at 5:10 PM