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June 27, 2002

The Eighth Deadly Sin

Did you ever see the movie "Se7en" starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt? Well, without giving away the ending for anyone who hasn't seen the dang movie yet and is still counting on the element of surprise, let's just say that I am a less-violent version of Kevin Spacey's character. If I had the time, I would keep a library full of notebooks in which I'd written down every infraction every idiot I've ever encountered has made. Of course, I would have a better organizational system than Mr. Spacey, but that's not the point.

I had this epiphany while driving. I became so annoyed by the poor driving habits of Los Angelinos that I decided I had to come up with a way to vent my anger. I cannot keep my fury bottled up. When someone doesn't signal when turning, I actually take it personally (I know, I know... I am NOT stable... I own that fact). When someone changes lanes in an intersection, I scream at the top of my lungs. And when someone parks in such a way that I cannot park near them, I want to key my dissatisfaction into the paint job of their hood.

So, I began thinking: why not keep a list of license plate numbers of these evil-doers? I mean, not to call the cops on them or anything, but just as a reference for those of us who are PERSONALLY offended by idiot drivers. My fellow obsessive-compulsives and I could cross reference our lists and make sure that we have as much information as is possible to share about these bozos. We could start a message board for reporting driving infractions.

Yeah, I know that this could end badly. Vigilante OCD'ers could decide to take out some form of retribution for the infractions we've collectively listed by those idiots in SUVs and other vehicles worth more than the house I grew up in. But, is that REALLY such a bad thing?

I mean, isn't the world a better place when we all arrive alive? I mean... all except for those of you who really do need remedial driving class and a big "Watch Out, I'm an Idiot" bumper sticker. Wait... I know. We don't need to hurt these folks. Let's put them all on their own island and let them drive around together. Darwin will win out and they'll be extinct before too long anyway.

I like that. Someone get on that.

See... I'm definitely not a Kevin Spacey-caliber villain. I am too lazy to execute my evil plans. That's probably a good thing.

Posted by bonnie at June 27, 2002 1:40 PM