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January 21, 2006

OMG. I finally get it.

So, today was officially the castingest day EVER. I spent hours importing footage from films I've cast* in order to edit down my official casting demo reel. Lots of editing still to do, but what a happy job that is!

Meanwhile, I am putting final notes together for the next several casting gigs, details of which should be available in the next couple of weeks. Rock ON!

Okay, so where's the "I finally get it" stuff coming into play?


Well, as I watch the rough footage from these films I've cast (for the umpteenth time), I see imperfections. Typical. Same as when I reread my columns and get bummed out to find a typo or misplaced modifier or (*shudder*) split infinitive. It's just ugly. But it's human.

Okay, so at one point, I take a (well-earned) break. I'm looking at the cover art from one of the films' DVDs. It's gorgeous. And, reflecting back on how I felt the VERY VERY VERY first time I saw footage from this film, I felt truly flutter-filled with joy. I then thought, "Aw. It's a dayum shame that, the more I've looked at it, the more of its flaws I somehow see."

wheels turn... smoke pours from ears...

Wait a sec. What have I seen more of IN LIFE? What have I spent MOST OF MY LIFE focused on, simply due to the fact that I've had the most constant exposure to it?

That'd be ME.

Holy crap. Is a big part of the reason I see so many flaws in myself the very fact that I keep LOOKING? And perhaps those who consume only a fraction of me truly do have a much more balanced perspective on what my WHOLE is?

Just a load of thoughts, on a Saturday. Next time I get hyper-self-critical, perhaps I can just remember to take a dose of ANYTHING ELSE long enough to shift my perspective. Then realize, hey, I'm not that bad.

< Ali > Word. < /Ali >

* Have I mentioned how happy I am to finally have footage from even a FEW of the films I've cast by now?

Posted by bonnie at January 21, 2006 11:23 PM

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Haven't I been trying to tell you this for years?

Posted by: Ed R at January 22, 2006 01:07 AM

Well. Your blog entry lifted my own spirits this Sunday morn Bon. You'll understand why in a few days.
Thank you.

Posted by: PurplePrincessofPower [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 08:04 AM

Good blog! Yes, you are a great person and everyone loves you. (me more than most)

Posted by: charlie gillespie at January 22, 2006 09:19 AM

well, bonnie...insight is often the best medicine....the cure is simply to accept ourselves - flaws and all! there is character in flaws and experience that goes with being rough around the edges....but look at the "big" picture - that way the beauty that truly matters that shines from the inside will come through and the flaws and rough edges seem to magically disappear! xoxoxo

Posted by: suesie at January 22, 2006 10:28 AM

I'll take a dose of you over most other people I know. You're a good, honey.

Posted by: Ali [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 10:43 AM

See, it's wierd. I don't see the flaws of the thing I am closest too - me. I think a lot of people are like that, and have to take a step back. Einstein said: "What does a fish know about the water in which it swims all its life."

I'm like that fish. No - the water. One of them anyway.

Posted by: Cliff [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 12:04 PM

We're all flawed. Flaws define our character. They can make us stronger by working to overcome them or we can allow them to defeat us. You've never struck me as a person who is easily defeated. XOXOXO

Posted by: aleta [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 22, 2006 04:10 PM

Always be happy with the skin you're in. We will always be our own harshest critic. But look for the perfect never the imperfect. Cause you Rock, and Roll!!

Posted by: Tony Mc at January 22, 2006 04:26 PM

Do you see just how much you are loved Bon? Bank on that, because there's a reason... You do rock!

Posted by: PameLa at January 22, 2006 06:05 PM

Great observation! Goosebump moment :)

I only know a 'fraction of you,' but I think you're a whole lot of funny and smart as hell. (And insightful!) Thanks for reminding us to rewind. ;-)

Posted by: Sarah at January 23, 2006 05:49 PM