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February 24, 2007

My husband's disorders.

I love my husband. Yes, yes I do. (I'm still amazed, daily, that I even got married, as that's SO not my thing. But whatever. I dig this boy and he's stuck around longer than anyone else I've shacked with--and believe me, I do my best to scare the boys off within a year [and I usually succeed].)



Keith has a couple of disorders that I must share, as maybe someone out there can commiserate and advise.

Keith will always: vacuum the floors (Yay!) and then take the vacuum cleaner back to the closet in which it lives. And park it. Right outside the closet. Seriously. Like two feet and a tiny thickness of DOOR away from its HOME. And there it will sit. As evidence that hunter man has killed the dust? Not sure. I really don't get this. It's so dang close to "put away." What IS that?!?


Expiration dates: Keith doesn't believe in them on things like eggs or milk. See, I'm super-hyper-obnoxious about expiration dates (except on drugs, because I figure if the Rx is yummy-fun today, it's got extra special magical qualities after its expiration date), so I want to throw out foodstuffs within hours of their "best before" dates (and typically on the early side of those dates). Keith, on the other hand, will just eat and deal with "it," digestively. (Lucky me.) But tonight, as Keith swam in the tub and readied his face for shaving, he asked me to bring him his razor and I offered up some shaving cream... mine. "No. Yours is old!" he said. Huh? What?!? My super cool girlie shave gel is awesome and what the hell does it matter if it's old? Define OLD as chemicals go.

"No. I need mine. It's newer."

Say it's more butch. Say it's better for hearty boy beard stuff (as opposed to my girlie creamy gel stuff made for fair-haired girls' occasional needs). But say it's NEWER and that's what makes it okay to use?


Anyone with insight, I'd love to hear it.

Posted by bonnie at February 24, 2007 6:40 PM



Posted by: Ed R at February 24, 2007 7:40 PM

He's a boy?

Posted by: Tracy at February 25, 2007 11:06 AM

To quote a silly yet overlooked movie - "Can't Hardly Wait" - "we all have our things."

The vacuum bit I'd say is "I did the work, here's the proof. Here's your piece." A bit like when my cat used to bring in a carcass - so we could all share!

Not comparing Keith to a cat, but ... anyway, who knows. It's just my $0.02.

Posted by: Jennie at February 25, 2007 2:44 PM

All I've got is what Bart Freundlich said he wanted to use as the poster tag for "Trust the Man" (but was obviously not allowed to...)...

"Women are from Mars. Men have a penis."


Posted by: Beth at February 26, 2007 8:02 PM

Okay -- this one made me laugh out loud. Aren't people's idiosyncracies hysterical?? (OTHER people's -- not our OWN *of course* heeeeee!)

Now -- the name of Keith's condition is FELIXANIA. This is the Felix Unger syndrome wherein he feels compelled to keep certain things clean -- and yet there is a need for a certain amount of "appreciation" for doing so. I thought Tracy's description was a hoot!! Yup! That's it!!

Now, as to the EXPIRATION DATES. Please warn the Keith-Man that expirations on food and especially dairy items really IS significant. And there is nothing worse than the kind of upset tummy one can get from drinking a glass of milk or eating a slice of turkey that is slightly "turned". The thing is....when you drink or taste these items, they do NOT ALWAYS taste bad when they have already turned -- and yet will still make you sick. When the meat has a slight *off* odor and or a little *rainbow* streak that is kind of neon-like, it is DEFINITELY not okay. And dairy -- well, when you pour the milk and it has little curds that glop out on top of your cereal then you know you are way past the time to stop using.

Interestingly, this is true of "fresh" items. The really tricky items are the ones that do not have actual EXPIRATION DATES but those confusing "BEST IF USED BY" dates or "LAST SALE DATE" like cereal or bread. Me??? I won't keep a "best if used by" past its date; and I won't even CONTEMPLATE buying a "last sale date" item if it is the day I'm buying it or only a couple of days later. Pfffft!

DRUGS - Since I worked in the Pfizer "safety department" for 12 years as a bread-and-butter job, I know a wee bit about drugs. Prescription drugs have a tiny window of time in which they can be used beyond the expiration date....maybe about 3 months. BEYOND THAT it is not that they are dangerous or will make you ill (well -- that is a blanket statement -- there may be a few drugs for which that is true), but it is that they lose their effectiveness -- you may as well not even be taking them. So, sorry BON -- they don't get *better with time*, heh-heh.

This is true of OVER-THE-COUNTER as well, but I believe the window of time beyond the expiration is closer to 6 months -- not positive about that time span though.

Honestly? It is better and safer to throw any and all drugs out within a month of their expiration.

Again, I was rolling on the floor reading about the shaving cream.......BUT........

Yes, chemicals DO get old. And one of 2 things can happen. They can lose their effectiveness, or they can become acid-y, or less fragrant (even smelly), etc. Ever kept a perfume too long and had it turn rancid? Well....what about those scented hand lotions and such. It DOES happen!! Now....not all of these products bother with expiration dates. I guess they figure people use them faster than that (not true of course). In fact, I'm one of those who will see a new hand lotion (or whatever) and go "Ooooh I wanna try that", and before you know it I have several hand lotions sitting around -- and guess what? They do NOT get used quickly enough, and YES, I've had some turn into a not-so-pleasant scent.

MORE IMPORTANTLY are the myriad of items that actually DO have expiration dates, but most people don't realize and or don't check. Start checking them. Certainly not all items have them, but there are certain sunblocks that will have them (lots of chemicals in there) and some facial scrubbers and such. Look at a tube, at the crimp in the bottom, and see the expiration. Look at the "mouse type" at the very bottom of a label on a bottle. You will be surprised at the items that have expirations.

So.......your shaving gel? Depends on how long you've been *nursing* it. But it you've been using it regularly then it most likely isn't "old".

I'm strongly suspecting that there's a touch of "eeeyeewwww -- that's for GIRLS" going on. Heh-heh.

But I couldn't resist actually giving some "info" about expirations -- it was just so tempting :-) (not that you asked....heeeeeee!)

Posted by: Deb Cresswell at February 27, 2007 5:28 AM