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April 22, 2008

Welcome to my world.

Occasionally (okay, I'll be honest: FREQUENTLY) Keith has to stop me from writing any given week's column about the ridiculousity that is my collective inbox.

Y'see, I cast these cool indie films. And, while I get that most casting directors do the "very inaccessible" thing, it's because I *also* happen to produce showcases and write the aforementioned columns, plus the books, and do the speaking engagements that I pretty much cannot be inaccessible. My *other* jobs rely on knowing what's going on with actors, being reachable, being *gulp* willing to read such stuffs.

So, tonight, while enjoying a glass of wine and wondering if I did the world a disservice by cleaning up the atrocious spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors in this week's column's email, I toodled upon this post, by a fella whose book is being cast as a movie these days (Go, Joseph Middleton, with your bad-ass self! And congrats to the writer!), and my eyes glazed over, much in the way they do DAILY at several given points.

And then I realized, it wouldn't matter if I were to write a column about this sort of email. I'll continue to get dozens of them a day. DOZENS. Among the hundreds of emails I get per day--many of which are just fine and dandy, and some of which I actually find time to answer--there are these emails that make me wonder why I don't have unlisted contact information.

In fact, I spoke with a manager today who was pitching three actors on one of the films I'm casting and she said, "I think I called your cell first."

When I told her, "I don't have a cell," she was SHOCKED.

"I have an iPhone, but I don't have the phone set up. I use it for email," I told her.

"What?!?" she asked. "What if someone needs you?!?"

"Someone always needs me," I replied. "And I check email hourly, so if they really need me--and I believe them--I'll call them back after I see their email about the emergency. But the problem is, everyone thinks their BS is an emergency. And have you seen how many projects I'm working on? Do you realize how many producers, directors, writers, agents, managers, publicists, and actors are certain that they have an emergency situation happening? Believe me. The ONLY way I get *any* down time--and I don't get a lot--is because I have no cell phone. The number you called was my husband's. Because 70% of the time, I'm with him. So if someone is SURE they need me, they have to weather the Keith to get to me. And that's about as good as my having no cell phone at all, frankly."

She laughed like crazy.

But, whether I had a cell phone or made my home phone unlisted or whatever, what would it matter? It's all gonna keep comin', no matter what I try to do to stop it.

So, when I want to write a column about the actors who call me, email me, fax me, FedEx me, anything me to try and find out "how to submit on my projects" when I FLIPPIN' PUT THE DAMN THINGS OUT ON ACTORS ACCESS, WHERE EVERYONE ON THE PLANET CAN SUBMIT, DUDE, I guess it's nice to have someone in my life who reminds me that THAT is not a column. It's a rant. It's, at best, a blog post.

Because--just like the idiot who takes up two parking spaces out in front of my house, when he could just as easily pull up two feet to allow another car to park behind him--there will always be people who JUST DON'T GET IT. And they wouldn't think you were giving THEM a tip, no matter how much you made it all about them, anyway.


(For what it's worth, I got about three sentences farther in to the post than Tucker Max did. I'm patient like that.)

Posted by bonnie at April 22, 2008 11:21 PM


Someone asked me the other day if "thank you" was one word, or two? Yikes.
You know what Bonnie, I think you are funny as hell, and can write circles around just about anyone, I bet you could screenwrite one hell of a comedy about the business. One of my favorite movies of all times is The Producers, and I bet you could write something just as funny. I know spoofs of the business in Hollywood has been done to death, but with your experiences and cleverness, I bet you could come up with an unique twist.
Just a thought.

Posted by: CJC at April 23, 2008 10:11 AM

You are so sweet. I'll see what I can do. ;)

Posted by: Bon at April 23, 2008 7:43 PM

Wow Bonnie! You're my hero! No cell phone?? I wish I could try that - but I'm sure I'd miss out on last minute auditions! haha

Posted by: Lydia Blanco at April 23, 2008 8:24 PM

Oh, my! Yes, actors MUST have cell phones! Those auditions are *often* last-minute!!! :)

It's really nice to know, when I'm "off," that I'm really truly OFF 'til I want to be back ON. ;) Rare, but it's nice when it happens. ;)

Posted by: bon Author Profile Page at April 23, 2008 8:37 PM


Stumbled. Delicious-ed. Clipped. This is one for the ages, lady-homey.

Posted by: communicatrix at April 23, 2008 9:34 PM

Right? :)

Posted by: bon Author Profile Page at April 23, 2008 9:39 PM

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