I Am Too Nerdy for the Renaissance Fair

I went to the Georgia Renaissance Festival with the Professor last weekend. It was okay, but I wouldn’t recommend it, at least not if you’re looking for something somewhat related to the Renaissance. I mean, for $15, at least give me some Shakespeare. Or Michelangelo. Something. Not someone in an ill-fitting corset hawking incense and addressing me with the familiar thee. It’s ye to you, stranger.
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And why are people wearing wings? So many people wearing wings. Diaphanous small fairy wings to giant, black-feathered wings with leather straps. The Renaissance was not a time when fairies or bird-people invaded the earth. I think those folks meant to go to the Fairy Tale Fair down the road but got lost. Fairies are always pulling that kinda crap. You know, if they existed.
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People also wore horns. There was a horn shop, which sold horns you can wear on your head. A whole shop selling only horns you can wear on your head. There’s a market for this? Evidently, as they were being sported everywhere. Evidently, many people wish to be branded cuckolds? What?
The blacksmithing demonstration was interesting, despite the lengthy proselytizing about how we today don’t appreciate the art of blacksmithing. But the tools and methods were from 1850, which is old and cool, but, in fact, not when the Renaissance took place.
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There was decent enough food there, the Renaissance fare, as it were. This was one time when I was glad historical accuracy was not strictly observed. They had gazpacho and wraps and fruit and such, which was nice on such a hot day. Or you could be more authentic and eat a turkey leg.
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They had lots of animals on display, and they were neat, but it was kinda sad how the roosters’ feet were chained up, and they’d kinda shake their feet trying to get free. But I guess they had to be there to keep Hamlet‘s Ghost at bay. Evidently the cockcrow has no effect on the fairies.
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Sheep. Sheep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care.
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Baaaalm of hurt minds.
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I was just disappointed I didn’t get very much Renaissance out of the fair. I wanted authenticity, if not to learn something new, and at least a taste of the Bard. I’d’ve settled for Marlowe. Now I’m really jonesing for the sounds of some lovely Early Modern blank verse. Anybody know where I can score some?

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1 Response to I Am Too Nerdy for the Renaissance Fair

  1. I’ve always wondered why they have the anachronistic bathrooms instead of the more authentic buckets. There were also not any plague houses or burning of witches, which I found to be a dubious omission.
    The Texas version of a Renaissance Faire has jousting in it. This was fun, because you could taunt the knights with such stinging verbal barbs like, “Sir Fredrick speaks in iambic pentameter!”
    The last time I went to one was when I was lonely and single in Baltimore. Some friends thought it would be fun to take me to the Maryland Renaissance Festival during “Singles Weekend.” Unfortunately, they got the weekends mixed up and so we went during “Handicapped Persons Weekend.”
    -RT

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